Can I keep you?

Remember this movie line?  Quick, without cheating, tell me which film it came from!!

This quote popped into my head this morning while I was helping Gabe find a website on the computer.  As I sat there waiting for the page to load, he climbed up in chair with me and just sort of hung on like a little monkey in my lap.  While he was doing this, I had the clear impression that he was asking if he could keep me.  Could I stay as his, could he add me to his memories, thus holding onto me forever.  It is so infrequent that he “gets me all to himself”, I knew that this was one of those moments I could never forget, nor ever wish to trade.  It was fleeting as he popped off my lap in search of food not a minute later, but that brief period of time was all ours, it was perfect.

As we wander through life, we spend our time gathering; clothes, toys, papers and books, memories, and even people.  And if you are like me, you tend to hold onto too much stuff that you just cannot part with.  There is no reason to keep it all, to keep lugging it around from place to place.  You might open up a box once in a while and take those things out.  Look at them, remember them, consider downsizing, but then you pack them all back up lovingly to rediscover maybe a few years later.  Every so often, you decide to throw some things away, donate to charity, give to a friend or family member. You feel good about it at first, but then a year later when you remember that item and wish to see it again, you spend a day tearing apart your attic searching in vain for something you stupidly thought was insignificant enough to get rid of.  Never again you say.. and you mean it, but then the cycle repeats.

And to a point, it has to, or we’d all become hoarders.  There is a fine line between pack rat and hoarder, so you work hard to keep yourself on the safe side.  After all, you know that you don’t look good on TV and who wants TLC following you around exploiting your personal stuff to the world anyway..

So we gather and purge, gather and purge--  it’s just stuff, right?   It can be replaced thanks to Ebay if you truly regret getting rid of that Rubadub Dolly you loved as a child.  Granted it won’t be the same one you had (I don’t believe anyone else could sharpen those fingers as well as I could or gnaw on her nose as effectively), but you could have it again if you absolutely needed to see its matted hair one more time. 

But, can you purge people?  Sure I guess you can and I guess there might be enough people in your life that could be considered “toxic” enough to warrant purging.  But your memories are there, you’ve kept them.  No matter how hard you try, you can’t truly get rid of them (yes, I know Hollywood says you can, there have been enough movies saying so, but in the real sense they are always there).  And good or bad, I guess they helped make up who you have become today. 

And unlike tangible things, you can’t sell them for money, pass off onto another family member (although some would argue you can) or truck them off to the green center for recycling--  Like it or not, you are in for the long haul.  And like anything you cannot change, you learn to adapt, to work with.

I had a horribly ugly carpet in my apartment I shared with Kristine in Wilton.  It was a horrible Avocado color (think circa 1975 toilet/fridge/oven combo) and nothing I owned was going to match it or mute it in any way.  So, as I knew that the carpet was going nowhere fast,  my mother went out and found a plaid comforter that was had blues and yellows predominantly in the pattern.  And oddly enough, and where the colors intersected, it actually made a light avocado hue.  Surprisingly, it worked and that carpet didn’t look so out of place anymore, it actually complemented my comforter and tied it all together. 

What I am getting at is that sometimes you might not want a person or memory in your physical world anymore, but getting rid of the memory of them is just as impossible as ripping up a carpet in a rental apartment.  So, rather than sit and be miserable; find a way to make it work and not stand out so much. 

Keeping a person or memory isn’t a bad thing if you know how to make it complement your life.  I have a number of friends moving through a field of indecision, sorrow and confusion--  As I think about them, I realize that many more of us might be feeling the same, be it with a loved one,  a friend, a colleague, etc.   Allowing the ghost of a memory or time before to remain can’t hurt you if you don’t allow it the power to do so.  Take from it what you need and put the rest in that box in your attic to bring back out once and in a while to consider.  

Oh, hint to the movie--------------------------->