Ode to My Car...More Heather Ramblings for No Good Reason...

I've talked about my car before... It's not brand new, it is only sort of shiny at this point (so badly in need of a bath it isn't funny) and no matter how many times I organize the back seat, it is always a pig sty.  But, I love it.  It's fast-- it's got this wonderful Turbo thing that makes me go nice and fast while allowing all of the gas I just put in to go bye bye..  the seats are comfortable, they hug you and they are heated too..  Nothing better than having warm, hugged buns...  Yes, I do love my car-- High mileage and silly quirks in all.

There is this "saab thing" I have learned about...  and like anything in my life, I made sure to learn about it in the hardest, most inconvenient way possible.

Before I share my life lesson, I need to give a fast back story--

When my Dad and Jeremy changed out my car door (remember Car Yoga?), we did not change out the door lock thingy in the door.  Basically that means that the key that starts my car does not open my door.  Saab also only equips ONE door with a key thingy, so that means you cannot gain entrance via other doors with your key.  The Saab people were also so worried about multiple key door usage issues, that they also did NOT put a key thing on the trunk either.  That day, back in early June I think it was, my father turned and looked at me and told me to A. NEVER run out of batteries on my key fob thing as it will be the only method to allow me to gain access to my car and B. consider NEVER locking my car ever.  ever.

So, that was months ago.  During this time, I locked my car doors.  I did.. alot..  I used my key fob like a wild woman: lock, unlock, and repeat..  

Then one day I turned off the car, took the key out of the ignition and the radio kept playing.  Hmmmm.. I put the key back in, back out, back in, back out and finally it turned off.   I figured it was an isolated incident and went on with life.  

Then it started doing it a bit more frequently and I discovered if I took the key out and then beat on the ignition, this little center circle thing pops up a bit.  Aha.. I am a genius, I have figured it all out!  Why is this happening, I have no clue, but I can make my radio go off, yay me.    I later learned via the Saab Guru's that this is a common issue.. even better, I stand in a group of ignition beating people that have bruised fists and look crazy when parking their cars.  

We got into a routine, my car and I.. Sometimes everything turned off ok, sometimes I had to inflict brut strength, but it worked well and I continued to lock my car.  

Until that day....  

I had a day off from work (was actually scheduled to get repairs done to said car but had to cancel at the last moment) and had decided to go out to the grocery store in the middle of cellular service nowhere.  I parked my car, turned it off successfully and locked the door.  Off I went--  

When I came out of the store, I popped the trunk using my key thing and put in the groceries and CLOSED my trunk as a normal person does.  I went to unlock my door: nothing.  I tried again: nothing..  I tried the trunk again thinking I could climb through: nothing.    At this point, I call my dad who tells me to go to the hardware store (conveniently located right next door in the same little mini mall) and try to get a new battery.   Hardware store doesn't have the right size (??? what???).. go back to Market Basket with my key fob taken apart and start analyzing batteries, candles, tea lights, anything that might take the right size--  No luck.  

Back to calling my dad.  He graciously agrees to drive out to rescue me and once he gets there, we decide to go down to the Walmart and get a battery there.  I buy the battery for about $10 and off we go to my now melting grocery laden locked up car.  Good news!  My other battery was NOT dead.. Bad news!  I now have $10 less, a battery I don't need and my car is still locked.  

My dad, oh so awesome dad, discusses my options: locksmith (left message), breaking the window and replacing it with the spare we have at home (remember the old door?), or trying to use some metal something to get into the car and pull up the lock...  We chose option C.  My dad did have help from some random guy that honestly looks like he might have jimmied a lock or two in his life..  Car is unlocked and I got to show my dad how my ignition beating up skills are put to use.  

A new layer to my car, sometimes the radio will go off, but that little metal circle in the center still doesn't pop up.  Good to know.. better to remember not to lock my car anymore.   I believe my father made himself clear this time.  I guess I should listen because I have a feeling that I might be spending more time waiting for rescue the next time.. 

So...any would be robbers, feel free to steal what you want, that's fine.. but do me a favor and clean up the back seat while you are in there and if you think of it, beat up the ignition for a moment or two just to make sure I'm not killing my battery, ok? 

Car Yoga

I have a car.  It is my own car, not shiny or brand new, but it is all mine.  I like my car.  And because I like my car, I allow it to have little issues and I try to make excuses for why it’s little issues exist (sort of like “my child isn’t a brat, she’s just overtired”)

My driver side car door broke.  The hinge things that attach it to the car no longer wish to attach it to the car.  

 I feel that this could be a problem moving forward in life.

It happened gradually.  I had warning, but being the way I am, I figured that it was just something that would fix itself.  For a while I chalked it up to being too cold out and the door was stiff, so I had to lift it up a bit to get it to align.  I went with that idea until it started to not be cold out anymore.  I had to find a new excuse for why my door was not closing without manual effort. 

During this time, I managed to throw out my shoulder and my back trying to lift up the door to close it while being in the driver’s seat.  I think that is the point where I figured that I might need professional intervention.  I thought about it for a while, not making too many moves towards fixing it--  I think I was still holding out hope that my good thoughts and the Automobile Fairy would come down and sprinkle magic wd-40 and all would be as it should be. 

BAD-EVIL-DOOR

I was wrong.  The problem with being wrong is not the actual admittance of being wrong.  No..  The problem with being wrong is the absolutely unacceptable and inconvenient timing as to when you are proven to be wrong.

The day my car door stopped being a useful method of car entry happened at last call on a Saturday night.   As I opened my door the hinge laughed manically at me and said, HA, I hold your door up no more!  And my door did this wonderful dip to the ground thing, clinging to the one remaining hinge in vain.  My friend had already gotten into her car (hamster mobile) and sped off into the moonlight, so she did not see what had happened to me.  I stood there in the parking lot, searching around for a helpful person to help me.   There was a group of “gently” sauced women standing in a circle.  Unfortunately, either my little cries for help were drowned out by the haze of smoke around their circle or they saw me and decided that manual labor was going to be a sort of alcoholic buzz repellent, so they didn’t come and assist me.   

Now, I drive a Saab.  Saabs are heavy, very heavy.  Their doors are also heavy.  I am 5 ft and ½ inch.  I am barely taller than my car and I am lacking in extreme upper body strength.  Get the visual of me trying to lug this door back up to where it belonged, then try to get it back on it’s broken hinge bracket and then get it shut.  Trust me, I had to make a few tries to do this.. At this time I am panicking a bit as the parking lot is clearing out rapidly (it was a small parking lot, so I am exaggerating a bit here).. Smoking women have poured themselves into their cars with doors that work and left me there.  At one point I slipped on the dirt of the parking lot and found myself sliding to the ground.  Still clinging to the door, I am now worried that it was going to pin me to the ground and land on me and I will be unable to leave.  Unsavory thoughts started to enter my mind, alone and near a mini golf place, you never know what sort of evil lurks at the 7^th hole.. 

The Automobile Fairy finally answered my pleas and I managed to get the damn door up and closed.  Yay me!   I then had to crawl through my passenger side into the driver’s seat.  I now know to keep both the passenger and driver’s seats pushed all the way back so as to make this an easier task.  Not so that original night.  I climbed in the car, butt to the windshield, hunched over like Quasimodo.  I tried to do a turn once I was fully in, but the seat was too close and it wasn’t working the way it was supposed to.. Basically put it this way, if there was a twister game cloth in my car, my right hand would have been on red, left on green, right leg on blue, left leg on red..  I finally managed to get myself in my seat, knees under the steering wheel instead of parallel to it and drive the 1/8^th a mile home (yes, this was all for 1/8^th of a mile)

This happened about 3 months ago.  Yup, that is right.. I have been doing the Dukes of Hazzard (yes, I know that isn’t technically their move, I am not going through the window, but it makes me feel cooler to call it by a name that had Bo Duke associated) move for 3 months now.  I have it down to a science, but it isn’t any less embarrassing when I have to bring Gabe to school and we are late.  Nothing worse than climbing in and out of your car like a monkey next to a perfectly normal mother who is showing off to me in her ability to exit her vehicle normally.  I’ve decided that if anyone asks me about it (which thankfully no one actually has, thank god), I am going to tell them that I am trying to found a new Yoga Movement--  Too busy to go to yoga practice?  No problem, here are 10 useful poses to do in your car!  Say it with a smile and no one notices the beads of perspiration on your forehead or the horror in your child’s face.

I brought it out to my SAAB MECHANIC.  I give him all caps because he is a guru of all things SAAB.  Apparently this is a weird thing to happen and in all his days as a SAAB MECHANIC, he’s never seen this.  Even more crazy, Saab only has 2 of these little hinge thingys in their warehouse…period….   My guru says that this will cost me at least $300 in labor, from an early estimate, not counting parts or any other myriad of issues that occur once the door is off.    YIKES.. 

 So, I continued to climb, what is a little pride at the end of the day right? 

BUT, then the Automobile Fairy visited me again.  Stupidly, I forgot that I know people.  People who know how to fix things and because I am such a lovely person and kind to everyone around me (shush, don’t blow my cover), have offered to take care of it for me.  Maybe even this weekend!  Oh joy!!

And yah, once it is fixed I might still crawl through the passenger seat once in a while to stay humble….

No, no I won’t..