First of all, before I launch
into my rambling, I’d admit that I whine.
I do. I am human, I want things,
I can’t have them for whatever myriad reason exists, but I whine, I pout, I
yearn… and then mostly, I either find a way to make it happen, or I GET OVER
IT. I move on. I latch onto something else that I want,
need, etc…
I fully accept that I have made
my bed and therefore it is mine to lie in. I did this. I didn’t wake up today, miraculously
40 (gasp) overnight, having gone to bed an awkward and knobby 12 year old. NO, that didn’t happen. I made decisions in my life, good and bad,
that led me to the person I talk to in my mirror each morning. Me. I
can bemoan that my decisions were enhanced by others, but until I have been
gagged, bound and held at gunpoint with my finger on the button, I can blame no
one else but myself for the actions in my own life.
See, it’s easy to say that… Try
it. It’s liberating. It’s amazingly simple and not hard at all to
make those words form in your mouth, then push the sound out and “paint the
ceiling” with your voice. (thanks Jim
Harbor, KSC for that one)
Ok, where am I going with
this? I have a point and I will get to
it.
Hypothetically, there are people
in this world that live under this amazing (dis)illusion that things aren’t
their fault. Bad things happen, but they
honestly hold no responsibility as to why “stuff just keeps happening to me”. Such and such happened, but hey, not my
fault… not my problem, not my issue.
YES, bonehead. It IS your issue. And sadly, sometimes it becomes MY
problem. My problem to clean up the
mess, my problem to make the phone calls, email the people, scramble to handle
it like I’m some less wealthy version of Olivia Pope (ooo, I love her).
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps
and fix it. Quietly confide in a friend,
a sister, a confidant if you must, but GET a GRIP. Trust me, while people listen at first,
eventually they will tune you out. They
will grow WEARY of you and your stuff.
You’ll find yourself talking to the walls and missing out on the fun
stuff while you wallow in the pit of your own despair. (quick, reference???!!?? Anyone???)
I’ve extolled my love of facebook
before. Yes, I do love facebook. I’ve found so many great friends, new and
from “before”. I’ve laughed at silly
videos and cried when I’ve become witness to some of the sorrow and shame our
society is capable of. I’ve learned so
very much, I’ve allowed myself to open up to others and share those I hold in
my heart via pictures and anecdotes. I’ve
gotten frustrated in meaningful debates, but happily so as it makes me remember
I am not only capable of my own opinion, but also feel strongly for something I
believe in so much that I am willing to respectfully enter into witty and
educated conversation with an adversary.
And I’ve reached out to my friends when I’ve just felt like poo and
needed a quick pick me up. But the one
thing I try to remember is that my issues are NOT my friends issues to fix or
solve. My duty is not to discourage
support in wallowing or self pity.
I was told recently by someone,
whose opinion I value incredibly, that I project myself to be “with it”. I am shown publicly as a strong
person. I’ve been through a lot, but
have my shit together. And that is nice,
it’s great that I am not a public whiner. Yay!!! But, I don’t have it all together, I do fall
apart. But, it’s important to realize
that I am good at keeping it in proper check.
And I AM strong.. So much
stronger than I was before. If I were to
measure the sheer amount of crap in my world, I’d like to think that, yes, I do
have most of it together.. Yay me! The
parts that matter, truly matter, are under control. My children are THRIVING. They are happy, learning, succeeding. I sleep soundly at night, I am tired but
tired because I put in a long day at work and I EARNED my sleep. I did that.
Yay me! My cat is a freak of
nature and afraid of his own shadow, but he is loving and sweet and will cuddle
with me as long as he’s had enough food.. Yay me! (ok, that was to see if you
were still reading)
I’m a work in progress. And I need work. I need to keep working. I need to correct areas of my world, but
guess what? That is part of life and
that is what I need to do. I was given
this human life to make the best out of it and I’ll do that. You might hear me whine from time to time, but
what you will never hear from me is, “it’s not my fault, I don’t know why this
is happening to me”.
So, get a grip. Seriously.
Realize that the tiny, little piece of your world that seems to be so
very horrible is NOTHING, absolutely nothing in comparison to how bad it truly
and realistically could be. Whine, but
do it to the person in the mirror and then handle it. Or at least try like the rest of us.
***I did have a friend proof this for me, she said I am not evil.. Yay me!
